Agents of Shield
by could't think of a name
Summary: Because for the next six weeks, Peter was increasing his hand-to-hand training by temporarily working as a S.H.I.E.L.D. field agent (under the recommendation of Captain America). What he had forgotten was that S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were given partners. What he hadn't counted on was that his partner would be Deadpool. Eventual Spideypool
1. Chapter 1

**A/N:** Hi all. So this is my first time writing a Fanfiction so please let me know what you think. Also a big thank's to Seaxofxroses for helping me with editing and talking me into actually posting something.

_**[words]** = yellow thought boxes_

_{words} = white thought boxes_

Disclaimer: I own no character's mentioned in this story

Peter wasn't entirely sure how he had ended up in his current situation. Well, he understood how it happened but swore to whatever gods who may be listening (probably the Nordic ones) that this was the product of some cruel and unusual curse. Maybe he could talk to Doctor Strange if he managed to survive this with his sanity intact.

Because for the next six weeks, Peter was increasing his hand-to-hand training by temporarily working as a S.H.I.E.L.D. field agent (under the recommendation of Captain America). What he had forgotten was that S.H.I.E.L.D. agents were given partners. What he hadn't counted on was that his partner would be Deadpool.

-Two days earlier-

Spider-man sat leaning against the wall at the top of a building, trying to decide whether or not he should remove his mask for a minute while he was up there. It had been a quiet afternoon, there had only been one man trying to rob an old lady but he had run away the second Peter made an appearance. So he just sat there wondering whether or not he should call it a night, when there was an explosion on the other side of town.

Suddenly becoming alert, Peter flung himself off the building, silently praying, as he did every time he jumped off a building, that his web shooters wouldn't fail him. Swinging towards the explosion his spidey senses started going haywire. By the time he made it to the building that had exploded he was surrounded by smoke and rubble and there was still nothing to indicate who had blown the building up. A scream echoed through the area, ripping through the sound of everything around him. The scream was of course coming from the just blown up building.

"I bet my lunch this is a trap…" Peter muttered to no one in particular, but continued into the building anyway. So maybe his Aunt May still liked to make him lunch every now and then, even though he lived alone in an apartment right now. There was nothing wrong with that.

Climbing up to the third floor window, he approached the area of the building where the scream had come from and climbed in through the broken window. He barely even felt the shards of glass ripping through the thin fabric of his suit and becoming embedded in his hands.

Inside the building his vision was limited as ash floated around the room making Peter silently thankful that his mouth was covered by his mask. He could hear crying coming from somewhere near the far corner of the room. As he approached he could see the person- an apparently homeless child going by her appearance- in the area he assumed.

Not a trap then, there was actually a civilian. Though there's still the question of who blew up the building…

"Hey kid? You ok over-" Spider-man began before getting hit upside the head by something suddenly, knocking him of his feet.

He jumped to his feet quickly while clinging to the wall so he could take in his surroundings. The first thing he noticed was that the thing that had hit him was a large metal ball on a chain being wielded by a man in a mostly green suit.

"Thunderball? Seriously the Wrecking Crew is after me again? Didn't you guys already fail at that like three times? I thought you guys were in jail having nap time or something…I don't know, what do you guys actually do in jail?" as he said this Thunderball attacked, slamming his wrecking ball into the wall. Spider-man dodged the attack, throwing a web into the villain's face and kicking him to the ground while he was disoriented.

Before he could proceed with the questioning, Bulldozer came in from nowhere. The large man attempted to ram him with his helmet but luckily spidey dodged, causing the larger man to ram into a wall.

"Well that was really using your head now wasn't it? No that joke was too lame for me to use. So who came up with this 'lure-the-amazing-spider-man-to-a-building-and-hit-him' plan? Was it Norman Osborne? Because I saw him die last week but seriously that guy never stays dead and he really hates me." Spider-man continued before his Spidey sense spiked, alerting him to an approaching danger. He had just enough time to block the attack with his arm as the crowbar came crushing into his wrist, dislocating it and smashing his web shooter. Well, that definitely set his attack plan back a few notches.

The Wrecker swung his crowbar again as Piledriver came into sight behind him. Peter suddenly found himself wishing he didn't work alone. Because he could probably take these guys but it would be easier if Iron Man was with him. Or Captain America. He would also settle for Daredevil's help or even Deadpool's because as much as he hated admitting it, he had helped him with Hit Monkey. Heck he would settle for seeking help from the Brooklyn Avengers at this point. Ok, so he wasn't that desperate.

But he _was_ currently injured, fighting four villains and there was still a kid crying in the corner. He wasn't going to run from a fight but getting the civilian to safety was his top priority. Scooping the kid up in his injured arm spider-man decided it would be best to take out his enemy's vision and get the kid out of here. He was sure the paramedics would be close to the building right about now.

This plan was great but it just so happened that his remaining web shooter broke on him at that moment. He was in shock at the failure of the shooter for a moment but that moment was enough time for Bulldozer to charge. Peter had enough time to put down the kid he was holding, but he didn't have enough time to move out the way. Bulldozer's helmet collided with his stomach with enough force to knock him to the ground, probably breaking some ribs in the process. Yeah, that was going to hurt for a little while.

Spider-man tried to sit up and check on the child. The first thing he noticed was a flash of red, white, and blue. He smiled a little at that (not that you could see under his mask) as Captain America appeared in the doorway, catching his shield effortlessly. He ran into the room hitting the villain closest to him with his shield as Iron man came blasting in through the window like he owned the place. The two made quick work of the Wrecking Crew between Cap's shield and Tony's repulsors.

"Iron man, take the child out to the paramedics" Steve instructed the man next to him. He waited until the two of them had left before giving Spider-man a stern look, but it was filled more with concern then anger. "Spider-man…are you ok?"

"You know me, I'll live. But I think I might have broken something." Trying to get up, he gasped in pain "Ok, several somethings. Including my web shooters…Do you think Iron man will help me fix them?"

Glancing around to make sure no one was around Captain America turned back to him "Peter, I'm being serious, are you ok? If this is what happens when you don't have your web shooters… Have you actually had any formal training in combat?"

Peter looked away, unable to meet the older hero's eyes "Not exactly…"

"Look, you know you have always been like a son to me, but more to Tony. He won't say anything but he came straight here when J.A.R.V.I.S. said you were injured. Nick Fury told me to offer you a mission. I wasn't going to but now it seems that you could do with some proper training. Now I know you don't like to leave town, but I promise we will keep the city safe. You're a good person, a good hero and I'm sure that with a bit more training you can also be a responsible hero. So, will you take the mission, if not for my sake, for Tony's?" Steve finished, staring at him expectantly at the end.

Peter wanted to say yes but the first thing out his mouth was "Will you sign my yearbook? I mean yeah, I'll take the mission. Also…"

"Also?"

"Between you and me, Tony feels the same." Peter finished with a smile, before trying to stand and falling over. Steve helped him back to the S.H.I.E.L.D. base for his debriefing.

"So, for this mission it will involve you being in a remote location for the next six weeks. You will be looking into a new organization that has come to our attention in recent years. The organisation is called 'Vitriolum' and we believe they are a sub group of A.I.M. and may pose a threat to the safety of the way we live. I need you to infiltrate them, but don't be seen. I need you to find as much information on them as you can and if you can, stop them. I wish you luck on your mission. You will be meeting you partner on location. You are dismissed." And with that, Nick Fury finishes his speech.

"Wait, partner? You never said I would have a partner on this mission."

"It's S.H.I.E.L.D. son. Every agent has a partner or team. Or at the very least a handler somewhere close by."

"But you said this mission would take six weeks. You mean I need to tell someone my secret identity?" Peter said trying his hardest to look horrified under his mask.

"You think I would send you on mission with someone who I didn't think you could trust with your secret identity?" Fury said, raising one eyebrow and one eye patch.

"So who are you partnering me with then?" Peter asked with a slightly defeated sigh.

"Deadpool. Rest up tomorrow, you'll meet him on location the next morning."

Spider-man cannot be held responsible for the line of insults he gave in response to this as he left Fury's office. Needless to say he was still going.

So this is more or less where our story started.

Peter was led to a private jet by a S.H.I.E.L.D. agent in a nice suit, dressed fully in his spider-man suit.

He hopped on the plane trying to think about what the next few weeks would be like. It's not like he hated Deadpool or anything. He just wasn't good at holding onto friends and didn't need another person to loose. But as long as Deadpool didn't try to needlessly kill anyone it should be ok.

Somewhere amongst all his thoughts Peter drifted off to sleep. He was woken by the same agent from earlier and told to follow the directions and go to the address on the piece of paper he was then handed. After that he was kicked out of the plane that flew off without telling him anything more.

He did as instructed because he really didn't know what else to do. There was a reason he didn't like spies. It was around early afternoon when he reached the address on the map. He could hear movement inside but his spidey senses would have told him if it was dangerous so decided that, against his better judgement, he should knock on the door. Peter tried to stifle his laugh as he heard someone fall over inside before they unlocked the door.

He stared at the masked face in front of him in a moment of awkwardness. Deadpool stood in the doorway in full costume, with no weapons on him except the gun in his hand. Peter assumed the crashing noise had been the mercenary looking for a weapon before answering the door.

"Spider-man? What are you doing here? I didn't think we'd get another crossover so soon…" Deadpool trailed off.

"What? Actually never mind. Did Fury forget to mention to you that where teaming up and living together for the next six weeks?" Peter sighed.

"I thought that was a dream"

_**[A really really good dream]**_

"What do you mean by that?"

_**[Like you don't know. You did ask if we could stay at his spidey-cave in the last team up]**_

_{Shh- We should probably let him in now}_

"Great idea white! Umm so spider-man do you want to come inside?" Wade said stepping out the way to let the younger in.

Walking through the door, Peter looked at the other man "So, how often do you talk to yourself?"

"Hard to say, how often do you?" The merc replied, shutting and locking the door behind him.

The silence that filled the room was awkward and painfully long. Ok, so it lasted about twenty seconds but hey, this was a room with deadpool in it, the silence just wasn't meant to be there.

"So does the amazing and spectacular Spider-man know what's going on or why we're here? Because I just got shot at and woke up with a note saying that I will get my mission soon." Wade said to break the silence.

"S.H.I.E.L.D. wants us to take down some bad guys. An organisation connected to the Advanced Ideal Mechanics. And I don't know where we are." Peter explained with his limited knowledge.

"I swear A.I.M. is connected to almost everything. I mean if they ever teamed up with Hydra they would control most the criminal underworld."

_{Didn't something like that happen in one of Matt's comics?}_

"Probably, Daredevil gets all the cool arcs." Wade muttered, causing another awkward silence.

"Do you want to turn on the TV or something? Looks like we have some DVD's over there…" Peter said, partially worried that the other would start shooting things if he got to bored.

"What have we got to watch?"

Walking over to where the DVD's where spider-man continued in confusion "Well there's a whole lot of…Disney movies? And little kids cartoons. What on earth was Fury thinking?"

"Maybe it was actually Mystique having one over on you? This could all be part of some elaborate plan set up by Magneto to get heroes out of the city so he can do something really evil!"

"…Deadpool, that actually kind of made sense. Which scares me a little. But they would take out Captain America and Iron man if they wanted heroes out of the city. Also you're not actually considered a hero by anyone."

"Ouch…right in the feels there" Wade said, placing a hand over his chest as though he had been shot "I thought you good guys were meant to be nice to everyone?" he continued before sitting down on the couch.

"Don't you read the 'Daily Bugle'? I'm a public menace not a good guy." Spider-man stated, sitting rather slowly onto the couch. His ribs hadn't exactly healed from his run in with the Wrecking Crew. Or his wrist for that matter.

Wade noticed the younger hero wince in pain a little as he sat down but decided not to ask about it. Not yet at least. So maybe he and spider-man had only done a few crossovers but he knew enough about the younger to know that if he tried to get him to open up to quickly he would probably get punched in the face. "So, speaking of Captain America and Iron man, are they sleeping together or what?"

Spider-man gave a bit of a laugh at that "The two of them have secretly been in love for years and everyone sees it but them."

_**[Sounds like someone else we know]**_

_{Oh, be quiet. You're going to ruin the surprise.}_

_**[But it's so obvious what's happening]**_

"Hey Spidey, do you think it's possible for the boxes in your head to conspire against you?" Deadpool asked suddenly.

"With you, nothing would surprise me at this point." Peter sighed.

"Oh I'm sure I could find something to surprise you. Like have you ever seen a man juggle five guns…I never actually tried that but I could probably do it. Or I could eat like, a whole lot of pancakes at the same time."

"I think I could eat more pancakes then you." Peter replied smirking under his mask.

"Oh? Was that a challenge, baby boy?"

"Why, afraid you'll lose?"

"Wait- are we flirting? Or bantering at least? There appears to be a significant amount of banter here. Well at least you're not shooting me in the face with my own gun."

"Trust me deadpool, if you annoy me enough, I'm shooting myself in the face with your gun."

"No you're not. If you do that Captain America and Iron man will skin me alive. Then they will proceed to torture me for a long time, then give my remains to your friends and family."

Spider-man gave a hollow laugh at that "Lucky for you that's only like six to ten people"

"What, don't you have a long list of girls who want to be your girlfriend or something?" Wade asked, turning to his side so he could look at the younger.

Counting on is fingers spider-man continued "Well my first girlfriend was killed by one of my enemies…another hated spider-man. There was also one that turned out evil and several that dumped me."

"So I guess I don't need to worry about you bringing any girls back to the place then? Just getting it out in the open at the start of this partnership, I don't need to worry about you bringing any men home do I? Because it's ok if I do, I walked in on those two from the Young Avenger's making out once and it was a little shocking because they're only like sixteen but I'm still totally cool if your web swings both ways-"

"Deadpool, stop talking." Peter cut him off.

"I mean I'm just saying that it's all ok."

"I'll keep that in mind, Watson."

"Wait, you're a fan of BBC Sherlock?" Deadpool probably sounded a little too happy at that.

"Admit it you only watch it for Irene Adler, right?" Peter questioned the Merc.

"Yep! Oh and for the Johnlock." Deadpool said with a nod.

The two ended up laughing at that, settling into a comfortable silence. It was weird for Peter to think but maybe living with deadpool wouldn't be as bad as he thought. And maybe there was a gas leak somewhere nearby that was messing with the way he perceived things.

"You know it has to happen soon right?" Wade suddenly said. Peter wasn't sure if the other was talking to him until Wade turned to him.

"What does?" Peter asked.

"We need to take these costumes off. Show each other our faces. And if we're going to explore the area today, we're going to have to do it in casual clothes because your costume sticks out like a sore thumb."

"My costume? Your outfit is a lot more obvious. I mean red and black?"

"Spidey, you're missing the point."

"Not missing, avoiding. There's a difference."

"Spider-man, this is hard for both of us but we need to find out where we are."

"Ok, so do you have any casual clothes?"

"There are two bedrooms over this way. They got suitcases in them which I'm gonna assume have clothes in them. Either that or there are hit men waiting to kill us in our sleep." Wade explained, leading Peter towards the hallway.

For the first time since entering, spider-man really took in the establishment. It was a small place, there was the lounge room which led to the kitchen and from there was a hallway that led to two bedrooms opposite each other and a bathroom at the end of the hallway.

Going into their separate rooms, Peter discovered that the bag did in fact have casual clothes in it and an envelope of money for wherever country they were in.

Peter slipped jeans, a long sleeved shirt and a hoodie over his spidey suit, putting his gloves and money in his pocket. He heard the mercenary open his bedroom door with a loud squeak by proceeding to knock on his door.

Peter looked down at the mask in his hand before sighing and sticking it in his pocket. He stood for a moment longer before opening the door.


	2. Chapter 2

A/N: Hey everyone! I am so sorry this chapter took so long to upload. There is a long and complicated story behind that but I won't bore you with it. This is actually the third time I wrote this chapter. My laptop broke the day the second write of this was finished so I typed this for you guys on my phone which was surprisingly hard XD Also, I apologise in advance for any spelling mistakes as my betas email is playing up so this is unbetad.

Anyway, big thanks and internet hugs to everyone who commented. I'd like to dedicate this chapter too Joschy-no-Eien because without their reviews I wouldn't have continued this story.

{text} is the white thought box [text] is the yellow though box

Disclaimer: I own nothing. Characters are owned by marvel. _

Peter wasn't sure what to expect when he opened the door. It admittedly hadn't been that deadpool wouldn't remove his mask.

"How old are you? Like 17? What were you 12 when you started being Spider-man?" Wade stated, mouth agape under his mask.

"I'm 21, not that that matters since you shouldn't be wearing this you-" Peter's insult died on his tung as he pulled off Wade's mask. Wade blinked in shock, as he and Peter stared at each other. Peter had heard that there were scars covering most the mercenaries body, he himself had a significant amount, but the other was something else entirely.

{He has been staring at us for three minutes now. Maybe he thinks were to ugly to be real.}

[Or maybe he thinks were cute. He could like guys with scars]

Wade had meant to question why his boxes cared what the younger hero thought of him but what came out instead was "Spidey how could you take my mask! Not cool! I call foul play! I never take your mask, I mean I considered it a few times but I never actually took it! You have just damaged my fragile mental state by your actions and you don't even care. That's mean. Your a cruel person. Everything 'The Bugal' says about you is true. Your buying me dinner to apologize."

"Wow...you talk a lot" Peter replied, the sarcasm in his tone not unmissed by his companion.

"Spidey, you really hurt my feelings. What would I have done if the sight of my face sent you into cardiac arrest?"

"Deadpool, your exaggerating. All heroes have scars."

"No masks, call me Wade. Wade Wilson. And what do I call you?" Wade stated, extending a hand.

"Peter" Spider-man replied, shaking the others hand as though they had just met. Like they hadn't spent the last five years fighting both villains and each other.

"Peter?..."

"I'm not telling you my last name so you can internet stalk me."

"I bet my limited edition hit monkey action figure I could internet stalk you without your last name."

"Where did you get a hit monkey action figure?"

"The internet. Everything exists on the internet. Everything. The people at home reading this should be very ashamed."

"What? Who are you talking to?"

"Just some nice non gender specific people on a fanfiction website." Wade said casually. "Now can I have my mask back Petey?"

"So you can put it on again? No. Not falling for that twice." Peter replied, slipping Wade's mask into his pocket with his own. "And its not 'Petey' its Peter."

"Sure thing Petey. Now are we going to go look around or what?" Wade asked, apparently not actually listening to what the other was saying as he headed for the door. Peter resisted the earg to roll his eyes instead muttering about the ways he was going to kill Fury for sending him on this mission.

The younger heroes muttering was cut off by a quick laugh from the mercenary that was half way to the door. "Aww the little Spider-man is making death threats. That's cute Pete, it really is, but we both know you wouldn't kill anyone."

Spider-man was going to tell the other he was wrong but realistically he wasn't. Peter had realised a while ago that if he became a killer...well he may as well take the stripes off his costume. It was the main thing that separated him and the man before him. "Well I could still web him to a chair and insult him" Peter replied offhandedly.

"What kind of insults?" The Merc asked back, seeming to have an actual interest in what the other had to say.

"I don't know. 'Did you decide to become the director if S.H.I.E.L.D because the name Cyclops was already taken'" Peter said off the top of his head.

"You can probably be shot for comments like that." Wade said with a laugh "Now are we going to explore this town or what?"

Peter headed for the door, stopping just before he reached it. "Do we have a key to this place? I mean we don't know the crime rate around here."

Wade thought for a moment before stepping forward "The key is under the door mat."

"Wilson, there is no way it would be-" Peter stopped when the mercenary moved the mat and there was in fact a key. "How did you know that?"

"I read ahead two panels."

"You know what? I think the next six weeks will be better for both of us if I just stop questioning what you say."

"That's probably for the best, if you want to stay sane." Wade replied waiting for Peter to shut the door.

"Anyway, there's a path over there we should see were it takes us." Peter stated, heading to a path near the trees and waiting there for Wade to pull up his jacket hood to hide his face and follow.

"So what do you know about were we are?" Wade asked, walking over to the younger.

"I don't know. There were lots off trees."

"You mean...like a forest?" Wade replied with an over exaggerated ammount of sarcasm.

Peter shook his head, trying not to smile as he replied "At least I can offer some information, unlike some who slept the whole way here."

"I wasn't sleeping I was dead. There's a difference."

"When it comes to you, not much difference."

"You say that like living is my choice." Wade replied, half looking away from the younger hero. The path they no longer seemed to be paying attention to narrowed as the ammount of trees began to thin out.

"It is your choice. Other people can say when you die but we are the ones who can say when we get to live. I can explain to you how life is like a donut if you like?"

"Maybe some other time." Wade said, remaining silent for about four and a half seconds before continuing "Plus, you know about my healing factor. It's not like I can die when I want to."

"Have you ever though you should try to stop finding ways to die and start finding ways to live."

"Why do you think I'm trying to be a hero?"

"Your trying to be a hero so people will like you. If you want to live why not stop killing and settle down and start a family?"

"...Petey, I was joking earlier when I suggested you were gay, and though I'm flattered as you are quite an attractive young man-"

"Wilson, I didn't mean me. I was making a generalised comment." Peter cutt of the other before the conversation could get more awkward.

"You should probably forget that last comment or we might have to remove 'no homo' from our online relationship tags. Anyway, while we're walking here I may as well ask you something thats been bugging me a while now. I mean I always new you were young but I never guessed how young but that's not important. I was just wondering how you got your powers? Were you born with them or are you a mutant? An alien? A science experiment gone wrong? Teleporter accident? Fell in a vat of toxic waste? I know, your dad got busy with a giant spider right?" Wade rambled on.

By this point in the path their surroundings had changed from a barely existent foot path to a paved walkway that appeared to be leading from the remaining shrubbery towards a river and into a town. Peter started to wonder what country had an environment that seemed dry despite being near water.

"Why would I tell you how I got my powers?" Peter raised an eyebrow and questioned the other.

"How about if I tell you how I got my powers if you tell me how you got yours?"

Peter thought about it for a moment, walking slightly away from the main path so he could lean against the railing of a wooden lookout on the rivers edge.

"I'll tell you on the condition that you go first. We don't need a repeat of the masks."

"Speaking of masks, your still buying me dinner to make up for taking mine."

"Tell you what, if we find a hot dog stand here I'll by you a couple?"

"Who would have thought we could actually agree on something. This is new. It's almost like were friends."

"You don't have many friends, do you?"

"I have lots of friends. Like Weasel and Blind Al. And Bob."

"How many of these friends have you shot?"

Wade decided it would be better to stay silent. That and he couldn't actually give an honest number.

The two stood in silence a moment, Wade leaning with his back against the railing as Peter leaned forward to better take in the surroundings. From what he could see there was a town to his right that had been built up the side of a hill that broke off like a cliff at the top, causing a steep drop down a nearly vertical wall of rock into water full of logs and rocks beneath. The opposite side of the river was an area full of small trees, much like the one they walked through earlier.

"Cancer." Wade randomly blurted, snapping Peter from his observation of the scenery. "The way I got my powers. The governments cure for cancer. The end result off your tax money. The best in Canadian health care."

"Remind me not to go to any hospital out of New York. Or go to any hotel without 'Stark' on it."

"Stark? He's the guy who funds the avengers, right? And didn't he also make the iron man suit?"

"That's him. He fund's the avengers and uh...made the suit. Yeah."

"Why do I get the feeling there is more going on here then I as a member of the general superhero public have been told?"

"Wilson, no one thinks your a hero. And just saying you want to be one doesn't make you one. You want people to consider you a hero then stop killing. If we can solve this, investigate what we need to and help these people without killing anyone then this town may think your the hero you always had the power to be."

"Oh Peter, I never knew you cared what others thought of me." Wade said glancing over to catch the others slight frown.

"I don't care about you personally. It's just part of the hero persona."

"So you save the lives of all people you don't care about personally then brake them out of jail?"

"That was different. Hit monkey killed those people so you had no reason to be locked up."

"Except for all those people I killed in the past. That should have been more then enough reason to leave me in prison. So why didn't you?"

Peter paused for a moment. He had never really reflected much on his team up with Wade...deadpool. "Well you were gonna break out anyway. And I didn't want you destroy my city."

[It looks like he's trying to come up with reasons]

{Why do we care why he let us out anyway? Does the reason really matter?}

[In the long run it does. I mean Spidey could also-]

{Shh- we need to let them work out their emotions}

"What are you two talking about?" Wade questioned the boxes. He perfectly understood his emotions. He just had to think about them for a while to explain them.

Peter half zoned out again, trying to memoriese key landmarks of the town. He noticed the merc talking to himself again. He had never had to deal with the other for more then a few hours at a time and even after the years of knowing each other as both allies and enemies this was the first time either had seen each others face. It was almost funny when you thought about it.

"Radioactive spider." Peter randomly said without thinking. Wade turned to him with an eyebrow raised waiting for the other to continue. "You told me how you got your powers, that's how I got mine. A bite from a radioactive spider."

Wade let out a laugh at that. "Maybe this is why no one gives us the respect we deserve. Our back story's suck. I mean no super soldier serum, no godly ancestry. Just two regular guys who got powers. But seriously how old were you when we first met?"

"I'm pretty sure I was sixteen then."

Wade had a semi pained expression on his face. "I guess I'm sorry about that. I didn't know you were a kid. I mean, I shot you in the arm. I don't shoot kids."

"Don't freak out on me now, Wilson. Why does my age matter anyway?"

"Despite what people say about me, I don't just kill everyone for money. I do have my own list of morals you can call them. One of the main things is not to hurt children and you made me break that."

Peter awkwardly scratched the back of his neck. "I guess I'm sorry for that. Since half my enemies know who I am anyway I never thought my age was a bother. Now this is awkward. Want to head into town now?"

"Sure. Maybe we can find some information about this agency were looking into. I have my guns if we need to interrogate someone." Wade smiled, walking a head of Peter and into town.

"I told you, no killing!"

"Killing and shooting are two different things, Pete. Like if you shoot someones ear off they may be inclined to answer some questions. And if not shoot of the other ear and continue questioning... Umm continue questioning in PowerPoint slides."

Peter sighed, walking a bit faster to catch up to his companion. "So mercenaries have a group of interrogation PowerPoints they email each other?"

"No but they should. I found this tumblr blog with some amazing gifs I could use. It would make interrogations easier as well. We make a good team Petey. If you ever do become a mercenary let me know."

"That will never happen and we both know it."

The two were approaching the middle of town now, they could see a row of shops that they hadn't heard off and on the corner of one street was a small store with large glass windows that displayed flags and some kind of stuffed animals.

"Do you think that's a gift shop, Pete? It looks like one but I never seen any of the things there selling. What country are we even in?"

"I don't know, it can't hurt to look around."

Both headed towards the store, looking in at the window at the merchandise.

"Hey look they have those hats here. The ones like that movie. You know the movie right? 'That's not a knife, this is a knife'? Everyone knows that movie."

"Wilson, I have no idea what your talking about."

"Kids these days, never watching the classics."

Wade walked into the store, Peter entering more cautiously behinde him. The store was over cluttered with plush gray bears and other strange looking animals. There were wooden snakes in one corner and several racks of 'I 3 Australia' shirts and hats. The cashier, who seemed to be the only person that was in the store to work, was having a convocation with one of the customers.

"So did you here that Cindy, yunno she was three grades above us at school, anyway not important. It's been confirmed that she's pregnant." The customer whispered, though both heroes heard him.

The cashier dropped the box he had been tidying at the till, the sound of the boxes contents spilling on the floor echoing through the small store.

"And she's keeping it?" The cashier asked at last.

"Seems like it. Pity, she was nice too." The boy said. The cashier was about to respond when he noticed that he had other guests.

Wade looked away, suddenly fascinated by the large flag on the wall. Peter decided it would be better if he just did the talking here. "Hello, my friend and I are a bit lost right now. Could you tell us were we are?"

The customer turned around, suddenly flashing a to big smile. "G'day mates, you do seem a tad out of place. What can we do ta help?"

"Well were are we to start with. He got us lost. He really can be dumb sometimes. But hey I got to have someone who gets my twisted sense of humor. And he's really cute so he would probably get kidnapped if I left him alone in a foreign country." Wade said, pointing to Peter while he spoke. So much for Peter doing the talking.

"Crikey mate, sounds complicated. Well your in East hill, Western Australia." Said the cashier.

"Our founder had a unique sense of humor." The customer cut in before continuing "Hey are you guys spies or somethin? Cus the only people who come here want info on the warehouse. And they go missing. The last couple disappeared about 2 weeks ago."

"We are clearly not spies. Everyone knows that spies wear all black clothes and big sunglasses and they hide all the time. Also could you tell us the location of this warehouse so we know to avoide it." Wade said as though it was the most logical thing in the world.

The two boys looked at each other, obviously distrusting these strangers. After some quiet whispering the cashier spoke up. "Thistle will show you were it is on the town map across the road. But if you hurt him I'm leaving this shop and throwing you of the top of Death Cliff. Understand?"

"We understand, sir. Thanks for your time." Peter said, grabbing Wade's arm and dragging him out the store before he could say something to annoy the cashier.

"Sir? Blimey how old do ya think I am?" The cashier said, turning to the other local and laughing.

"The name's Samuel, mate. Now it's common courtesy round here to tell us yours."

"Sure, of course. The whole name thing slipped my mind. People don't usually ask were we come from. They usually don't talk to guys as scary looking as me. And my friend here is always working. He knows a lot of complicated things but not many simple ones. That's how we officially first met. He couldn't use a point and click camera because it was to simple. Oh look, here I am rambling. What was I saying? Right! I'm Wade, my friend here is Peter."

"Struth do you ever stop talking?" Said the customer, Thistle.

"Not while I'm awake. Or maybe I talk in my sleep too. I dunno."

{You don't}

[but we do~]

"Wait are you two flirting? Isn't that like boxcest or something?"

"Who is he talking to?" asked Samuel, staring at Wade like he had grown an extra head.

"From what I gather he see's floating boxes that only he knows are there. He talks to them from time to time." Peter explained. "Now, about that warehouse?"

"Oh right, follow me." Thistle muttered heading for the door, deciding that Wade was just to strange to question.

[I honestly think you flirt more]

{And you don't even know you're doing it.}

{Also we should start paying attention. We're leaving the building.}

"Sorry about Sammy, he don't trust strangers but he's nice when you get to know him."

"I can imagine you two know each other really well?" Wade said, with extra emphasis on the really.

"You noticed that? I give you points, mate. So are you and-?" Wade cut the other off before he could continue "Slow down there kid. Me and Petey aren't like that. I have allready specified in other issues* that I do not want to make the special hug with him."

*Amazing Spider-Man 611

"Sure you don't, mate. Sure you don't."

"Do Australians really talk like that? You know saying mate in every sentence?" Peter asked.

"Nah, we just like to troll tourists." Thistle repplied, briefly looking to either side as he crossed the road.

Peter and Wade followed behind, noting the lack of cars on the road.

"So is Thistle your real name? Because if its a nick name you seem more like a daisey, no offence intended to your manliness."

"Thistle is short for my full name. Thistledo. Thistledo Isupoze."

"Wait...this-will-do-I-suppose?" Wade repeated, making sure he heard right.

"Yeah. My father was drunk when he named me." Thistle replied, waiting on the other side of the road for the others to catch up.

"And your mother?" Peter asked with a feeling he wouldn't like the answer.

"She died before I was born. That's why my father was drunk."

Neither hero had a witty response to that. When they reached the other side of the road Thistle continued "The thing is every mother that has given birth in this town in the last twenty years has died before childbirth. And twenty years ago was when the lights in the warehouse turned on for the first time in almost fifty years."

By this point they had arrived at the town map. The map almost seemed to spiral round as it went up hill, with coloured boxes for buildings making it look more like an old abstract painting then anything useful.

"This here is the top of the hill." Thistle explained, placing his finger on the center of the spiral. "See these three buildings? The ones on the left and right have no recorded movement but this green one in the middle is what we call 'The Warehouse'. Just go to the top of the hill and it's the middle building, closest to the cliffs edge."

Peter turned to look at the top of the hill. The buildings seemed to be a black smudge on this otherwise normal town. He suspected that this warehouse probably had something to do with the agency he and Wade...Deadpool... were here to stop. And if not it was to strange an opportunity to miss.

"Also since this seems to be your first time in Australia I'll fill you in on the wildlife. Now avoid kangaroo's, they look cute but have powerful legs and sharp claws so if they kick you they may hit a major artery and kill you. Same with koalas. And birds. Avoid everything with claws. And avoid snakes and spiders. Also some tree's randomly drop branches too so be careful. Also earth worms in Australia can sometimes be like 50cm long but we don't normally get them around here. Look out for dingos, they have been known to eat babies. And whatever you do avoid drop bears. There like one of the most dangerous things in the country, maybe the world. But I'm sure you know about them right? Enjoy your stay in our country!" Thistle informed them then left.

Wade and Peter looked at each other for a second before Peter asked to brake the silence "What's a drop bear?"

Wade just shrugged and asked if Peter was still interested in killing the Director of S.H.E.I.L.D.

-four hours and seven hotdogs later-

"Maybe we should come back in the morning, Spidey? You know when its sunny. And bright. And there are people around to here us scream." Wade complained as he and Peter approached the building. There was a heavy fog up here, already starting to soak their thin costumes.

"What are you so scared of? Were only looking at the perimeter of the building anyway." Peter whispered back "And I think two grown men in red lycra suits would be kind of suspicious during the day."

"Well one grown man and one teenager." Deadpool corrected smirking under his mask.

Peter was about to respond when he noticed something off about the length of fence he and the merc had been following for the past ten minutes.

"What? No witty come back? Your loesing your charm, Spidey. What do you loose your wise cracking humour when its past your bedtime?"

"Will you shut up for five minutes?" Peter stated more then asked. He knelt down to examine the fence. It had seemed from the angle were he was standing before that a section of it was missing but now he thought it was just a trick of light. Unless...

"Can't do that, it's not in my character description. What are you looking at anyway?" Wade would have continued but at that moment Peter's hand went through the fence.

Peter pulled his hand back quickly, jumping to his feet as his Spidey sense suddenly spiked.

"Someones coming" was all Peter needed to say for Wade to draw his guns.

The two instinctively positioned themselves back to back, readying themselves for whatever threat was coming.

"I wouldn't touch that fence if I was you, Spider-Man" said a voice from a nearby tree.

A figure sat in the high branches of the tree silhouetted by the fog. A cape with a large hood made it hard to define any physical features of the figure.

"Who are you? And how do you know me?"

"To answer your second question first, we do have television in Australia, you're quite an influential hero. Now to answers your question as to who I am I am your friend and your friend's friend for as long as he remains your friend." The hooded figure said in a voice that seemed to soft for one with such a menacing aura. He jumped out the tree and landed infront of Peter and Wade with the grace of someone born with wings. "I came to give you this. It's all that remains as evidence that the heroes on this mission before you were ever here." The hooded man explained, handing a package to Peter before turning around and with a swoosh of his cape disappearing into the fog.

"Well that was weird. Maybe thats why no one talks about Australian super heroes." Wade began while Peter opened the package. His Spidey sense would have told him if it was a bomb or something anyway.

"I mean what was that guy implying? That he doesn't think I'll stay your friend?"

Peter stared at the contents of the package in his hand. It surely wasn't what he thought "Deadpool."

"I mean, I know I used to be bad but I'm trying to be better."

"Wade." The other stopped talking at that. It was the first time Peter had called him by name. And it was so quiet and full of pain.

Wade walked over to look over Peter's shoulder. Sitting in the package was a snapped in half arrow.

"Wait is that...?" Wade began when Peter cut him off.

"It's one of Hawkeye's."


End file.
